As their fifth anniversary passed in September, Coppelia wondered long and hard whether she had the resolve to decide not to see him again. For as long as they had regular contact, her heart could only ever remain closed to any degree of commitment in another relationship. She will be 52 in two months, with hopefully at least another 20 active years before her. Can she really cling to him indefinitely, turning her back - and her heart - against all others for the rest of her life? Coppelia is torn, knowing that no one else can take his place, or ever mean this much to her. But does that mean she should rule out all other relationships? Right now she cannot imagine how to hold these feelings for him alongside any feelings for another. But one day?... At times she is beginning to feel lonely, even abandoned. So much to give and share, no-one to give or share with.
These days their time together has diminished. Once a week they may meet briefly, but not always. The much hoped-for walking holiday along Hadrian's Wall last autumn didn't happen, as his daughter insisted she come too, as she didn't think he should go alone (!) His quarterly health checks have not yet shown a return of the cancer, but for how long? H's health has deteriorated, which limits their time still further. Coppelia's divorce is imminent, bringing with it decisions about her long-term future. He has advised and supported her with financial and planning issues arising from this, and she knows he will always be there to help as he is able.
But though life has moved on, and her plans and days revolve around a different star, what once sparkled in her sparkles no longer, and the idea of coming to love anyone else wearies her and leaves her numb. As 2012 begins, Coppelia reflects how yet another year has passed 'in waiting'.
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