The will to live

She attended church the next morning, her communion accompanied by silent tears, and found herself praying for H. If she was to live, she must will herself to do all those things that her mind 'knew' were right, things that would help, even if her heart was constantly pulling at her in the opposite direction. She didn't want company, she didn't want to eat. But if she was to live, these things must be endured. She left the service before the end, too many tears...

It was then the message arrived.

'H has had a heart attack. I feel so guilty. Please pray, I don't know what to do.'
Coppelia's heart lurched in disbelief, and she asked God's forgiveness even as she heard her inner voice exclaim 'this is the answer to my prayers!'

Later that day she rang him. He was still at his brother's, and he told her how H's daughter had not rung until the day after the attack, as they had been advised to save H from any further stress. H was still in hospital in Winchester, where further tests were to be done.

He poured out to her just how life had been, how he was doubting his decision, how he felt confused, how life was empty, lonely, how he ached for her.

He said that Coppelia's compassion and understanding - for him and for H - reassured and strengthened him. They spoke at length of all that had happened, of the almost physical pain of loss that they were each feeling.

And - despite everything, or perhaps because of it - they were soon laughing, as they always did.
Almost two hours passed before they ended the call. Time that brought to each of them enormous comfort and relief. To just have that contact meant so much. Even if they could not meet. Contact. It had been the shock of going from so much contact to absolutely none at all, that had so wounded her. And, she now knew, him, too.

He would drive to Winchester the next day and ring her to let her know how H was.
It was a short call, and she could tell he was shaken. I must now just wait, she told herself. We are communicating again, it will be alright.

Coppelia remembered the railway track. She thanked God for her will to live.

H 's condition stabilised but she remained seriously ill.
It was never said, but they both knew what the other was hoping for.