A different life

If they were not to have the life they so wanted, then she would work hard at making a different life for herself. Coppelia tried to remotivate herself to work harder on new projects and activities. She stayed with her sister in Suffolk, with her daughter in Birmingham, and later took a short holiday with her daughter by the sea. She stayed with her friends in Lincolnshire, devoted love and energy to friends and to church pastoral work. She took up every social invitation offered.

Working at the pub was a lifeline for Coppelia. In those early months almost every Saturday had been spent together. But since the events of summer 2007 weekends were never theirs. During this part of the week when so many others enjoyed time with those they loved, Coppelia felt his absence most acutely.

So, how glad she was to be very busily occupied from Friday night until Sunday night, often working under pressure, focussed on so many other people. Week by week, this helped so much to carry her through empty, lonely days. The memories haunting her were forced under for a while.

What she found hard to cope with were the lovers, the happy couples. Wrapped in one another, gazing across the table, laughing, holding hands. Hiding in corners far away from the bar, exchanging those looks, those gestures she understood so well. At these times Coppelia drew on all her resolve, turned, hurried, worked even harder, but distraction seldom held.

At these times, the full force of memory fully overtook the task in hand and she had to escape to release the tears. They had spent blissful hours, just like those couples. They may do again. But missing him so badly, aching for him so painfully, the sight of them would strike at Coppelia's heart like a knife.