A day by the sea

Coppelia recieved a long letter from him, soon after. In it were his thoughts on all that had happened, his regret for causing her such unhappiness, a renewed commitment to her, and the announcement that he had made a decision which he believed may bring her the happiness she deserved.

He had put his house on the market, telling H it might be best to have a bungalow as her mobility was worsening; and he had begun proceedings to hand half of his estate to H now, whilst they were both alive, instead of it only going to her upon his death. He saw this as a way to reassure H that he did indeed mean to provide for her, no matter what happened. If it was all 'in writing' maybe she would feel more secure. She had certainly seemed pleased when he revealed this plan to her.

He told Coppelia that, should the house be sold, he would then offer H a choice. Either they moved into a bungalow together, but this time on the undestanding they were truly independent and he must be free to see Coppelia, or , if H couldn't accept this, he would buy each of them a small flat or house of their own.

Of course, should H choose the second option, he would not actually buy a new home for himself at all, but he and Coppelia would live in his holiday home on the Norfolk coast, as they had planned long ago.

Coppelia was not sure how his idea would change things - surely the fear over H's health would not go away, his sense of duty would stand in the way? - but he told her that the physical act of leaving their familiar home, the reality of his continuing desire to be with Coppelia, the choice before her, her assured material security: all may well serve to make it more likely H would leave, and could come to terms with leaving. As for her health, he would tread carefully and hope that she could adjust over the time this would all take. He believed the material security now in place would make a difference.

Though not convinced of this, Coppelia nonetheless was delighted to see him act so decisively, to be seeing the future in terms of the two of them eventually being together. It mattered to him, he told her, that he showed her he was serious and that he had really learned from all this.

It was a blustery but bright Monday morning when they left early for a day on the Norfolk coast. October lst. He needed to be present at the holiday home whilst some brief utilities work was carried out, and so they took the opportunity to again spend time walking by the sea, by the cliffs, through the lovely old town with its small harbour, fishing boats, and golden sand. How deeply they drank in the joy of that day by the sea!
They had fish and chips in their favourite inn, cosy and welcoming against the chill outside. Whilst he was at the bar she took a picture which came out blurred due to the low light level, but still depicted his snow-white hair in the midst of fuzzy brown and gold. For her the picture spoke of warmth and safety, reflected the reassuring buzz and hum of the place, a place which seemed to say as she sat there ' see? it's ok - you are both here, all will be fine.'

In bed, later, they fell asleep briefly in each others arms and she told him 'one day we will wake up together every day!' Right then, they tried so hard to really believe that. They so needed to find a way for that to happen.

Coppelia was concerned for him, for how gaunt he was still looking! His face reflected all that he had been through. Something had faded, he looked so tired. She prayed the toll of the last months would not have a serious or lasting effect on his health.

A peace descended on her during that day, and she thanked God they were still together. Not together in the way she had dreamed, in fact she understood only too well that in a way they were back where they started. Snatching time when they could, whole days or merely an hour, carefully timed and planned phone calls, a question mark fixed firmly in the centre of their future. Even if he sold the house, Coppelia had been through enough to see the situation continuing to be very difficult...

Their love was a gift of great joy to each of them, still, despite everything. To be without each other was unthinkable. They had learned a great deal about each other that possibly would not have been discovered in any other way.

Lying there, they talked of how the limitations on their relationship had to be faced, they had to accept the way things were, and manage as best they could. Long ago, such limitations had been too difficult for Coppelia to cope with. Could she cope with them now?